My Penance is What?

If you read my quick takes from Friday, you would know that I was struggling with getting to confession!

I went to a different Church this Sunday for Mass since I was near my parents house. I am so glad I did. They made an announcement that there would be two chances for confession this week. Last night at 7:15 or 8:15 and Thursday at 7pm

Wow. What a parish to have Confession 3 times the week before Christmas! Beautiful!

I was praying a lot before that it would be a good confession. I went in and knelt down and like a wind out of nowhere, the Spirit forced the words out of me that I so badly needed to come out!

Then came the funny part. Well not totally funny, but strange I guess. Usually, at the very least, for penance, it is either a formal prayer (1 Our Father or 1 Decade of the Rosary, or a couple Decades) or a general prayer (pray for priests this week or something)...

..."Praise the name of Jesus...ya know, sometimes we call it a Mantra...but just repeat over and over 'I praise your Holy Name, Jesus...things like that...for about a minute or two, here or in the car or wherever"

You can imagine my thought process here, "Did this priest just tell me to be charismatic for my penance? And only a minute?"

Well, I was so grateful for a good confession that I almost couldn't stop praising in this "mantra" way, the entire hour car ride home. That was the easiest "penance" but the most amazing because the turmoil I was feeling for my actions before was pretty strong and very penance like, and after, I found all I wanted to do was worship/praise!

Dear Jesus, thank you for your inexhaustable mercies and unconditional love! Amen!

M' Sonje Ayiti Anpil!

I have been practicing my Creole and offering up prayer through Creole worship songs from my learning cd...and have been missing Haiti a lot.

The other day, I was mentioning the possible upcoming trip in March and my sister responded by saying, "Aren't things kind of dangerous down there right now? With the riots and stuff?"...

..I said yes and that, although it's risky, that shouldn't stop me. Then she said something that led me to really think about missionary work altogether:

"Well your not supposed to risk your life for this are you?"

And later as I contemplated her question...I thought, "If I don't risk my life, what worth is there in the work?"

Time and time again, Jesus tells us in the gospel that we must lay down our lives, pick up our cross and follow him, feed the hungry, clothe the naked, be last...and I'm pretty sure avoiding a risk to my earthly life is not included in the fine print of the Gospel.

When I was a teenager, and I had my conversion, I knew I did not want to live a lukewarm existence. If I won't risk my life for Christ, then who else would I risk it for? I honestly belief that it is simply training to be a parent.

We have to look to our role models: Our Blessed Mother gave up her physical body for Christ to dwell in, Jesus died so that we could have eternal life, Blessed Mother Theresa risked her entire life for the dignity of others, St. Gianna died so that her fourth child could live...if we learn anything about how to be a true success in this life in the eyes of God, we would risk our lives for the least of His people every single day!

Auntie Auntie Auntie

Auntie...it is my favorite name I have ever had. For someone who has been wanting to be a mom for a very long time, and to have been blessed to be an Auntie first, the past 2 years have been beyond awesome, simply for that reason if no other.

This weekend I was spending more time with the babies. I was playing trains with the 2 year old when I got up to use the bathroom. I hear him from the living room..."Auntie, Auntie, Auntie, Auntie" until I came back in the room. To be wanted...sought after...called upon by this wonderful title, brought me such great joy.

I thought, "I wish I could have this all the time"....Oh wait, I do! (Not my nephew though)

Deep Thought:

Every second of every day, my God is wanting me, seeking me, calling me by name to come to Him.

Where?

In the inner room of my heart! In the quiet that is heaven on earth! As my nephew would say, "otder room, Auntie".

As I reflect on this, I recall that I never ignore or neglect the call of the cutest 2 year old I know, yet all too often, especially lately, have I not only neglected, but blatantly blocked out the voice of my God.

I am brought back to the simple prayer I found myself praying at a holy hour I had mentioned a week or so ago..."Jesus, increase my desire for you"

My goal is to make this simple prayer as common in my heart/mind as I possibly can...I know my desire for Him will increase, if I only ask.